If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
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