oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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