OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Randomize
