yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
