Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
I wish there were birth control emojis
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
