I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
