i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize