Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
