so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
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