wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
