people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
