I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You have to summon your inner elephant
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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