You really coming over, don't trick.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
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