i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
