I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Randomize
