I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
Randomize
