I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
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