Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
