Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Randomize
