enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
I yelled at your uterus for you.
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