So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
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