i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
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