The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize