i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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