he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
I won't apologize to a one balled man
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
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