So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
then he tried to convert me to islam
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Randomize
