was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
