WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
The adults are the big ones right?
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
