Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Randomize
