So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
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