i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Randomize
