i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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