At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
My ass is underappreciated
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
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