i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
did i walk over a car last night?
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
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