Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
