I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
