So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
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