I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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