I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
he laminated a picture of his dick.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
