Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Randomize
