Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Randomize
