her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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