i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
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