i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
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