Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
I just had sex on a roof
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
