She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize
