Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
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