you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
