yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
