i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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