Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
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all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
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