i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
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