i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
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