i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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