My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
