we have officially lost it.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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