you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
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