This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
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