Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
im holly from the hills drunk
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Randomize
