honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
