I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Randomize
