Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
Randomize
