Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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