Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
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