Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
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