I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
