I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Randomize
