It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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