the new term for farting is butt boxing.
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
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