Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
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