he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Randomize
