I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
