she kept yelling 'call me bella'
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Randomize
