we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
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