i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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