Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Randomize
