I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
