I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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