see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
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