i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Randomize
