your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
