***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
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