i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
Randomize
