u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Randomize
