she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
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