i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
