sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
