I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
