My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Randomize
