my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
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while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
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His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
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