So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
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