I wish I only lived at night.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
