Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
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