i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Randomize
